My Healing Journey

Jhada Addams

01 Feb 2025 — 2 min read

Initially posted on Substack on October 27th, 2024

Been in pain the last few days, but am seeing and bearing witness to the things I’m doing in my life every day to redirect/reprogram old patterns (the ones that I’m grateful to past me for creating, because they literally saved my life in the past, but now they don’t serve me anymore - if not actively working against me) that I’m actively working to change. Sometimes it feels so small and insignificant a move/shift every time I lean into addressing my own shadow, but I’m clear that not every step forward is going to be a leap. Consistency is KEY. I’m getting better at allowing for rest and recovery, and being ok that sometimes that’s more extended than I’d like it to be.

I’m clear that the more I lean into and practice these new patterns, the more my perspective shifts into deeper understanding, acceptance and reason. I’m still working on it, and I still get triggered by what I used to call ‘stupid shit’ - but it was never really ‘stupid shit’ - and now I know why it keeps coming back up, poking up every once in awhile - until it’s actually resolved and integrated. It's my brain checking in, saying, "Ok, we still got this back there in the dark room where you stash shit that you can't handle in the moment - think you might be ready to engage it now?"

Now I’m clear that when my emotional state swings wildly, I gotta look HARD Every Time at what that situation/phrase brought up in my soma and why. Once I’m clear on that, it’s so much easier to move through the world. Add honest curiosity to it, and it’s like a superpower. It’s now easier to see that being emotionally reactive instead of working to acquire emotional resilience has caused me a great deal of grief throughout my life.And I understand why people might have been scared of my unpredictable mood swings; I am also scared when people are that emotionally reactive around me as well. I am grateful to past me for beginning this journey, walking our collected Shadowed Path in this single flesh body.

I can now acknowledge that I’ve worked Very Fucking Hard to get here. I wouldn’t really let myself see that before.

And I'm going to continue working hard, because there's a LONG way to go - and I feel lighter and more at peace with the more I shed that no longer serves me.#growthmindset #healingjourney

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